we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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