is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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