im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
