I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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