i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
All the doctor said was why
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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