I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just had sex on a roof
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize
