I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
