Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Dignity is for republicans.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Randomize
