When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
