Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
