I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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