im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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