You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
