I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
