apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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