Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
