things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
