her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
