Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
you would pick up someone in the library
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Randomize
