Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
