Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
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