dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
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