you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
