I hate your face
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
