If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
We're too hungover to prance.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
