Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
