Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
