Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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