There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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