don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
