you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Randomize
