when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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