how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
