We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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