Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
