It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
