Yo dont text me then not text me
I want to walk on stilts...naked
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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