If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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