He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
