Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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