he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
