Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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