Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
