____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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