Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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