OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
