If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
