Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
