I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Randomize
