I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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