it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
