Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Randomize
