This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
